DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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