I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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