i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
