He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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