I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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