so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
