Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Randomize
