Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
