i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
