I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
