Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
