i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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