seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
