New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
