come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He shit in the fireplace
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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