i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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