Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
