why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
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Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
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Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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