We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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