I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
