Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
