You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
