its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
