Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
