i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize