I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
