I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
