Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
