we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
