Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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