I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
