I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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