you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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