3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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