wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
