so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My balls are so social today.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
