I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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