Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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