Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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