ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
