He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
