Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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