im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
