Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Watching her eat just hurts me
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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