Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
