He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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