I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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