I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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