I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
