Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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