and next time when you feel me up, do it right
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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