So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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