dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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