I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
