Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything