It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.