I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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