How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i think i just lost a toe
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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