I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize