I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
