I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
