ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
