when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
a search helicopter?!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
