this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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