Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
