wakey wakey hands off snakey
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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