I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
