We're like a lot better than the average bears
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
