"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I got inside last night via doggy door
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
