At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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