His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The convent might be a nice break from real life
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
