dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
