I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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