i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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