If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
