it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
