his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
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I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
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AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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