when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
