I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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