I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
